My legacy will not be forgotten, that I promised myself. Living in a world believing for consistency and discipline with unwavering faith that others can emulate such steps on what they have applied to themselves to achieve their high ground, such a world does not take notice to people like me, not necessarily living off the fumes of motivation and inspiration, or the lazy layabouts that would forgo any effort in the first place.

But those that have surely tried and burnout faster than damp grass without any fuel. Those that placed their beliefs in a quiet hardwork out of the spotlight to ‘good school, good university and good job’. The followers, the wallflowers, the silent. The world demands leaders, light of the parties and the boisterous. When have they stopped caring for the cogs of the machine?

‘Then apply yourself,’ I can hear those that have already made it say, ‘That is no reason to complain let alone give up.’ Uh, excuse me. It’s not that I want to give up thank you very much. I’m just looking at the world weary and battered and thinking when will you let me rest?

The world will let you believe that you can accomplish anything being a standout, not that a million people are following those same footsteps as we speak. The jobs will let you believe that you have a chance to make it and make a difference in the world, says the high application volume that may just suggest maybe, we have too many people. Too little jobs.

So where’s the legacy in that, you might ask? What legacy would I be spouting with such dreary commetary where anyone can easily believe I’m a nobody and no one would be wrong. But such circumstances all lead the same road, from the broken beliefs, the exhaustion being unable to follow along the latest mechanics tried and tested and only announced by successful people out of an ever-growing population that has also seen itself to the homeless, the quiters, the basement dwellers without those stories ever told. Because whoever wants to look into failure when deluding themselves to success?

The same road, I concur, is the ever-present impostor syndrome. Now I would not deny that even ‘successful’ people have felt like an impostor. Sure, they have their own coping mechanisms and it will fade away in the growing evidence that the world can be sometimes kind enough to lay down like a red carpet.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for me because I am an impostor true and true. For what I have complained about, griped in the face of the unachievable, chose to descend upon me and further enhance the fact that I am indeed, an impostor.

Exploring and trying many things without results. Job not falling from the sky, spending more money in a sham investment called development to one day get money that is quickly dwindling, that cannot support me in a short-term after trying to believe in the long-term gains. Being an impostor in impending failure only validates that negativity, and it’s a circumstance and a challenge that compounds to the burnout a fake like me can only achieve.

So what, people may ask, does that matter? So I am an impostor, the world is crumbling before my eyes. I refuse to follow the consistent discipline method that just doesn’t seem to work for me except for handing me burnout. I dig my own grave, I reap what I sow.

And I can come back from the dead as long as I am physically alive. This is a legacy about failure, and the mere unconventional ways to deal with it. It’s the middle finger to the capitalist and the inequal wealth distribution that refuses the right to earn and live our dues as if trying isn’t enough. This is how an impostor knew how to rise up against the system in rebellion and turn to the one lucrative thing against the conventional methods that forget to reward.

Turn your impostor syndrome into con-artist syndrome. Really, only the rich and successful people would say that crime does not pay. Just because they would risk and lose it all. But at my own risk on becoming homeless, no more money and even burger flipping jobs bypassing me like I’m not worthy to lick their boots (Don’t think I didn’t see you letting me notice how nicely you kept my resume and ended up never calling me back.I’m pretty sure it was folded neatly to a trash can instead - to the cashier that let me stumble through my pitch and pitied me but not enough to bother giving me a chance. Well, it’s not their job to care). The difference then, for peons like me now, in risking everything is that such crimes would only gain me so much. How, one might ask? Or more specifically, how and why should the impostor become the con-artist? Let me break it down into steps, because it was not a decision I made lightly and have yet to put into theory but desparation had chose to highlight such points feasible:

• You get free housing. Rent and utilities already draining your dwindling money stash without even a job to pile up the livelihood? An impostor would just beat themselves up, know that the conventional had to be their only way out even as they lament their incapability to it and resort to prayer, with the unwavering faith everyone espouses even when they receive no answer that had led them to these dire straits. A con-artist would accept those circumstances, spit on the conventional while unafraid to do crime because they understand that’s the only thing they are worthy of, and knowing whether success or failure can be used to their advantage. Succees in robbery, finally have some money on the side. Fail and get arrested, hey somehow the government actually treats the inmates with minimal basic needs better than the homeless. Before becoming homeless yourself, why not apply for that free room (jail cell), plumbing (they are not animals to not give you a functioning toilet), food and drink (it’s prison slop sure but you don’t have to pay for it) and labour (felt useless that even jobs didn’t want for you when struggling against rent, well the government is making you pay for the crime but at least they give you the option to use your remaining assets called your two hands and feet for their bidding instead of asking for non-existant money and putting you further in debt). If for whatever reason you are still afraid to do crime, there’s actually a luxurious option hedging on making the government pity you enough with your increasing mental problems that the impostor in you have sowed the seeds for and the conman carried through to take to their advantage so they can assign you to a mental hospital with even more relaxed benefits and ensuring it’s government sponsored with the best pity act you can fake to gain it all.

• You get a job. I already said it. Two hands and feet, and this time it’s not crime. But imagine this, how many applications have you put in and got rejected? How many jobs require experience no one’s willing to give you? How much ‘internships’ you have to pay in installments that people insist are scams have become one of the only ways for people to gather the experience for a low-paying job that doesn’t return the money you have ‘invested yourself in’? Only very few can become richer as the poor get poorer. Because it’s money that makes the world go round, only trusted to those with most experience that people seem to be forgetting comes with age, at their own pace. Not everyone can be high school geniuses, or have that strong a willpower to apply ‘when life gives you lemons, make some lemonade’ because it’s more likely for life to squeeze out the lemon juice to your eyes to endure the pain. Yeah, no thank you. Seriously, no one cares about potential, willingness to learn, smarts and all our time in the world to give our labour when there’s no guarantee that quick money will come out of it. The impostor by now would choose to panic or find themselves in deadly silence with the numb acceptance that ‘tis their fate. The con-artist would keep up the charade and pull off the most daring con called “Chosen Slavery” (title pending) because if we are all slaves to capitalism, why not choose to become slaves to pay off our debts? I promise I will get back to you about this refined plan and the desparation needed to pull it off. I’m still having trouble with step one, called getting my parents to disown me because I refuse to burden them any further, need to be cut off my money source and be seen as the most pitiful being in the planet, with only one thing that’s able to pay off however a disowned child could handle it. With my body. And not sexually, because even the government is not that depraved, right? May my con pitching fare better than my horrendous job pitching.

• You are able to live your dream life, or more accurately you finally can believe that you are able to live your dream life. Let’s face it, there is no proof in the ‘you will be fine’ sthick when time just drags it out as if it prefers to prove life can get so much worse than it can get better. And imposters like me have the resilence of paper in the rain, with the limbo tearing us out and relishing our remains before we could even get what we want and end up being too tired to enjoy it or too paranoid to believe it would even last. The difference between a con-artist and impostor or even successful people is that we neither take what is dished out to us in pained silence or preservere in the cookie-cutter best practices taken on by those like gym fanatics that could train themselves off without faltering. There’s a reason why not everyone goes to gym. Con-artists play dirty. Like successful people, they plan ahead but would count on failure to be the biggest get rich quick scheme fooling the world that they are worthy of their dream life without scamming any money to the investment, because hey con-artists have been in the ‘paying money’ position before and wouldn’t wish it on anyone else in the world. Some might say that even con-artist would need some skills to pull it off, but really, all that’s needed is to sit on a throne of lies and con-artist have long since known how to do so in their impostor era, except now knowing how best to utilize lies. The difference between approaches for the impostor to finally believe that the dream life is achievable because it points out their uselessness without the need to change it because that uselessness is what will finally aid in their endeavours, which they have in spades and finally know what to do with.

… Hmm, in making this guide, the points are sparser than expected but covering up the desires I really am in need of just to pull the biggest con. From now on, I wouldn’t be the one risking into money loss, no more than the quiet debt that’s slowly amassing upon me. My quest to a home and a steady job is on the roll and to any imposters out there, you are not alone. That is why my legacy will not die, so that people know even failures like me can achieve the right to survive without the self-improvement and development that’s not only time consuming but neither a promise nor guarantee that it would work on them, if they cannot be helped. It’s time for people to understand even the hopeless and useless are allowed to cash in their rights for a livelihood more than an animal’s, as the same evolved species that the entire humanity is.

Writer’s Notes

I feel like when I’m less tired, I will compile the government con for Chosen Slavery. No, I will not prove this. That’s what conspiracies are for, because you guys cannot disprove this either. Some people may call it unhealthy and are not free to chuck me off the mental hospital for the thoughts above. But this is a wonderful coping mechanism for all the bad and negative thoughts that only whisper failure in my ears. Daydreaming about how I can turn it around in the most criminally absurd ways just appeals to my childish heart that has rooted for antagonists who makes things interesting with their own actions against the protagonist and even the world. Fight fire with fire.