I had just been laying underneath a tree with the sun shining through the leaves only giving narrow spotlights throughout touching my body and annoyingly some parts of my book and obscufating the rest. Too lazy to move and yet too annoyed by the parts that I can’t read, I can only skim the book gathering whatever I can and making up my own story as I go.

Too immersed in my own stories, I did not even notice the fluttering leaves moved more by the natural winds that blow by nor the rustle right by my side that my subconscious can only allude to mischevious winds and was too late to anticipate the rough shoulder throwing at my back, throwing me too close to my book to blur the words and snap me out of my daze.

I looked up, to you before me with your blonde hair glowing with the little sunlight the leaves decided to forego in contrast to my silvery hair lovingly graying in the shadows. Your smile infected my once neutral face to copy the upward tic. Book already sprawled out of my hand by your rough shoving, you had picked it up and squinted.

“Really, brother. You still have time to immerse yourself in such gifts. There is only so much time you can fool around.”

I smiled, getting the book back on my chest.

“But it’s so fascinating. About what people have dreamed, thought about and come up with.”

“I wonder why. They have everything needed in such paradise. It is an unbecoming sin of greed to want more.”

“I don’t think they mean it like that. I think… it’s more like believing in endless possibilities, that paradise can get better on their own preference. Because while we are created in similar image, we all do live different lives.”

“If you say so. Before you lure me into more conversation, duty calls to stop fooling around.”

White wings spread out from your back, already shading more of the words that I can no longer read and not budging, similar wings unfurled on my back as I reach out for your hand just to fly up in the sky.

Because paradise as you say, did not mean that the angels duty for the people did not wane.

***

You were always too curious for your own good, ever since I have seen your awakening and met with you the most blessed out of all of us. You with your bright eyed passion towards the world and the paradise sanctuary we were all tasked to protect, for the images that had been breathed to life.

I never understood even as we flew around to make sure everything was kept afloat that you would stop and ponder. That you would wander and converse. That you would do more than what duty calls. You stray like the knowledge forbidden.

Of course you would call me paranoid.

“Isn’t it a privilege to explore, wander and figure out the world? In paradise where we barely scratch the surface, don’t you think the people have the right idea to explore the limitless potential?”

“And don’t you ever wonder why we shouldn’t, in a paradise built to protect, to love and to content with?”

“For a paradise that we have to protect from darkness? That the people have started questioning, about the contradiction? About a paradise built safe for all, but with darkness budding away-“

“Enough,” I can only say before you say more and couldn’t say anymore. But you still looked, and asked one simple question.

“Why?”

Elaboration. I really worry. I cannot answer, except for something simple.

“Because the forbidden is dark and the dark is forbidden. What more should we ever ask for our paradise that saves us from it all?”

Why does that answer not satisfy you? The way I can see your lips pursed, the way you don’t argue and yet looked askance.

I worry. Like knowledge forbidden. But I don’t know how to stop you either, but just hoping, praying that it is as you rightfully said, my paranoia.

***

You hated my curiosity, I understood. You hated the books, filled with ‘human knowledge’ that found their way into my hands, warning me so many times about forbidden knowledge. And while you let go after whatever reassurances I make, you never let go either with your pursed lips and tightened eyes.

You hated my whys, only satisfied with the whats. You looked at the present and never realized the gaping maw in our pasts. You would state the long-lived life, that we cannot remember everything. That we are not who created us, only duty-bound to the above for the paradise we reside, to the others created in image without the powers that make us different.

I believed you hated limitless potential I spout out. That you don’t want to see it. That you don’t question further about our present, because we should fear the above. Within books, filled with our creator’s sayings that you would only approve of.

You don’t want to understand our enemies’ whys. You do not want to look into the abyss. I don’t know how long it has been that everyone found ourselves in paradise one day, that humans called Eden and that we are meant to be tested, pass and be in loving embrace. Unlike the enemies, because for some reason there are always enemies as there is always an equal and opposite force. Even if you say that our creator will always be such exceptions to rules.

“You always think too much when you stare at the abyss. Didn’t I already tell you to let me know when you go into this particular duty? Someone has to snap you out of your thoughts.”

I looked up and see you, as always with the same concerned look with fist ready to bonk me some sense that I now lightly swatted away.

“I always think a lot.”

“I just don’t like you thinking near the abyss. It tempts, and sometimes I think that you need to rely more on our creator for the strength to resist.”

I didn’t answer, but I didn’t think too deeply staring at you instead of the abyss you rightfully despise.

We live in paradise, and our enemies live in the abyss. We fight the enemies and we protect the humans. All in the name of our creator.

Simple. Neat.

Too easy.

I still look at you, and I am sure I want to ask. But I don’t, even when the question would linger and I would never hear its spoken answer.

‘What do you think of the abyss?’

***

‘When you stare at the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.’

It’s a phrase commonly brought up by humans, even when no doubt the ingenuity is brought upon from the creator. Despite what you think about how I feel for humans, the images still resemble our creator’s finest properties even though they should be truly careful what to emulate but the phrase warns about being careful, to shy away from emulating that darkness and tainting their imagery. And thus the only phrase I will accept from humans.

It’s why I don’t stare at the abyss, why I stare at you. It’s why I have to come here everytime, needing to be reminded about your whereabouts especially here. You stare more at the abyss if I am not there for you, and without me, I feel like you would keep taking further steps in. That you will keep staring.

And that our enemies will stare back. And I will lose you.

I can only yank you away now. I can only hope your eyes would still stare mine. I hope to keep reminding, so your thoughts never go to the abyss, that weakness can never go to our enemies. A lot of times, I feel like that’s not enough. Because you keep coming, you can’t stay still. And you keep thinking.

“Come on, there is more to be done,” I can only say now, because I don’t know how long you have been in the abyss. I don’t know how long you stared into it, and whether you will keep taking steps in. At least when I flew, you aimed to follow.

You will have no idea of the relief I felt for just that.

***

It was at a golden apple tree, with a man and woman in discussion that I felt a shifting tide. It’s called the Tree of Forbidden Knowledge. It was not planted by the enemies, but the creator. Stated for some reason, as a way to test human against sins. Against pride and greed. Against envy and gluttony.

I didn’t approach. I just saw them approaching. I saw them staring at the apples, and then I saw them turning away, staring more into the eyes at amazement with a feeling I don’t know how to describe, or how to explain. It was only until after they left that I approached the tree.

I remembered limitless potential, but I also remembered forbidden knowledge. I remembered a lot of things, about our creator, about you, about the humans and the enemies. But I don’t know why.

I wanted to know why, as my hand reached to the glistening fruit and before I knew it, I felt the slap. And saw you.

You didn’t wait to drag me away, by the ear no less with fury worse than whatever the creator can wrought. I could already feel the words you wanted to describe my act, even with the silent seething.

Fool. Impulsive. Idiot. Sinful. Tainted.

I wouldn’t know what else you would call this act.

As much as you wanted to say it, I saw your lips move about silently trying to find the words more than I can hear. To say the words that I could never hear unless spoken but only one word came out from your lips, and it took all in me not to laugh at it:

“Why?”

Because that’s the question you hate the most and I give you in turn the answer I hate the most, absolute silence. Because I hope you can hear that really I don’t know.

I really don’t.

***

I’ve always wanted to cut that damn apple tree.

That’s what temptation undoubtedly planted by the sinners within the abyss should have been done, to be cut down.

The only thing that stops me is that I’ve never received any clear orders from the above to actually do it.

There was no use to why, in this. Unlike you, I’ve never questioned. There had never been any reason. Throughout my duties, I’ve noticed the wisdom in keeping these temptations. If not to test the humans created and understand the abyss’ folly. To cleanse the darkness, that has never made them whole unlike us and the rest of our winged kin that were luckier to act as the protectors against the dreaded abyss rather than the humans that were more susceptible.

Still, I wanted to cut down that tree. Even though I know we are the protectors, less susceptible, better made whole. Even when I never doubted. Don’t want to.

But I fear, my brother, that you have become more human. More susceptible. More tempted to the sins planted by our enemies. Fearful of your curiosity.

Because humans have never been saved from the abyss once they have been succumbed. Because they have made their choice.

“Why do you think we never had any choice to be free like them, brother?”

You started questioning more. You wanted choice, as if the duty bestowed us wouldn’t be chosen above all in the first place.

“Be careful about your choices, brother.”

Because when you choose wrong, no one will save you.

Not even me.

***

It didn’t start with a bitten apple, although that would be the catalyst for the unimaginable against Eden.

It had been questioning humans, and my curiosity.

And deciding I knew better than my brother, despite his caution.

It had been exploring, staring and sadly knowing the truth.

Even if you disagreed with me, brother.

***

I never felt that humans are worthy.

Maybe that was my mistake, when you were finally led astray.

My heart aches, when I tried my best to protect. To do my duty.

And I can’t believe it was not the abyss, but you that had to stand in my way.

I ignored the shocked look gracing your face at my sword pointed. I didn’t move, yet when I now beg for your choice. That you will change your mind. That maybe, it’s not too late. That there is always forgiveness. Because no one will save you, I thought. But I do want you to be saved.

You plead. You speak gibberish, and I only see the abyss. My resolve hardened. I swung my sword.

No one can save you, after all.

***

It pains me to swing my sword at you, brother even as a matter of self-defense.

I still can’t believe you are so blind. We are both influential, more than you think than the one high above. The one responsible with such secrets, especially about the so called paradise we live in.

Have you seen the abyss for what it truly is, or the paradise? Don’t you see our winged brethen standing beside me, with the humans that suddenly gain the insight and knowledge? Don’t you understand, about freedom, choices and our right to judge. About humans you secretly looked down. About the abyss that you disdain openly without ever understanding. About the above, with unfalliable loyalty even when perfection is simply non-existant?

We clashed. I plead, and I noticed your hardened resolve. It became war on paradise, and only history will be written by the winners. And I know how it’s going to play out but still, I swung.

***

You should have known it would already be foretold.

Even when we are even move by move.

Even when I know everything about you.

Even when your moves are known so well to me.

And you are the only one I will ever call equal.

And you are the only one I never wanted to ever fight.

There can only be one winner.

There can only be one loser.

So when I finally stabbed you in the heart.

So when I finally coughed out blood instead of the golden veins blessed from the above.

I wasn’t surprised by the wings turning black.

I understood only the abyss would claim me.

I cannot regret duty.

I only regret that you couldn’t see reason.

And it was my solemn duty to cast you to the abyss you now belonged.

And I wished that you even felt something for your own brother as you did your beloved duty.

Finally, it will be over.

Now, it’s just beginning.

I no longer have a brother.

Because you always will be my brother.

So I said.

So I said.

“Consider this my last mercy, because I will surely kill you the next time.”

“One day you will show mercy, and understand why this all happened next time.”

“There will be no next time.”

“There will, because of this chance.”

***

What happened next will be a flurry of white and black feathers. When the damage done led to the fall of Eden, back to Earth with humans never having the faintest recollection of the paradise they once lived in. It would later be known, from a prophecy handed down by only those with the faintest recollection, turned into delusional hope.

They only await once more for the clash of black and white feathers, from the closest brothers torn asunder to once more fulfill their duties. Without mercy.

Between Lucifer and Michael.

Writer’s Note

Yeah, this is lore precisely because I had a thing about fallen angel Lucifer and his brother Michael thanks to an anime that referenced Lucifer and then had me really going into conspiracy holes coz he’s my fave. I like brotherhood twisted into something worse, because the tension is unmistakable. So of course, I have a WIP not as well-defined but still something about the both of them. Based mostly on my interpretations and not religiously accurate but it always fell back to me about the idea why Lucifer was punished so for his pride because while it is pretty black and white, fictional interpretation had underlying grey morality that appeal to the humane side of me that just wanted to explore this fun type of tropes. So here you go.